I've got good news and bad news..
Good news - I'm going to see a specialist!
Bad news - I'm going to have knee surgery :(
Basically, the theory is that my ligament that connects the patella (kneecap, to you and me.. Well, to you.. I know what a patella is, thicko) has become soooo stretched after 4 knee dislocations that there's barely anything there any more! Wonderful :)
http://www.canmag.com/images/front/moviesetc/stretch.jpgBasically, imagine that stretch armstrong is my knee. My patella (kneecap, Calum) is the man in the middle, and the ligaments are his ever growing limbs :) If you hit stretch armstrong now, he'd wobble like mad, or break.. Thus, if anyone touches my kneecap, I'll get very mad, and break
Also, the physio said I have the weakest knee he has ever seen! Which was bad news, but with a sweet sting in it's tail.. I mean, at least I don't own the SECOND weakest, I won with the ACTUAL weakest, and in a weird sort of way, that makes me smile :) It's like a man with the world's smallest penis.. It might not be a good thing, but there's probably some fetishist out there that would like to have a go on it. The SECOND smallest penis is just a tiny penis - not a good thing. Not that I hope there's a knee fetishist out there somewhere (although undoubtedly in the age of the internet, there's knee porn.. I just googled it, there is), but it's a weird sense of achievment that from being so broken, in less than a month's time I should hopefully be fixed :)
Speaking of google, I just googled dislocated patella, and in the way that any man instinctively reaches for his penis to form a protective layer when I say "KICK IN THE BALLS", those pictures make me feel physically sick.. Josh's Number 1 Tip of the Day - NEVER EVER google symptoms, or pictures of upcoming surgery.. You'll end up convincing yourself you have AIDS, or you'll freak out about the surgery so much that living life as the man with the weakest knee in the world sounds appealing. Brilliant. Which, by the way, I do.. Autograph, anyone? ;)
I'll let you know how it goes :) But for nowwww I'll sit in bed, drinking a cup of tea and thinking that actually life could be a lot worse.
Chuck Palahniuk once said said, "People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown." and in a sense this is true - if we lived in a perfect world, then life would be so boring! And I hope everyone agrees :) You should, I'm a philosophy student, I do this every day, biatch. Doing a useful degree is over-rated.
If everything in life went smoothly, we'd have nothing to work towards, and no goals :) So a minor set back is okay every now and then. Of course, this seems to be a major set back physically, but screw it, I'll get over this too, and then maybe instead of having the weakest knee (win) in the world, I'll have the strongest (win squared) :)
Lots of love,
Josh :)
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