My surgery - photos, both from inside and outside (one is quite graphic, you have been warned)

So, as I’m sure the majority of you will know, two weeks and one day ago I underwent surgery to replace the ligament on the inside of my kneecap, to hopefully prevent future dislocation! :)

I met with the surgeon today, who’s happy that I’m healing well, happy that the surgery has worked, and happy that in a week or two I should be able to drive, and I should be able to return to climbing within a few months! Good times :)

But, I hear you ask, what went on during the surgery? And what, Joshua, does the inside of a knee look like?

Well, everyone, it looks a bit like this :) Just incase, by some minor miracle, you didn’t read the title of this blog post; one of these pictures is particularly graphic, so if you’re easily upset (is upset the right word? I was going to say ‘offended’, but that isn’t it..) by surgery, it’s best not to look :)

If you’re curious about what knee surgery looks like.. Well, carry on scrollin'. I double dare you. (The first two photos aren’t that bad, I promise)

This first photo shows the damage to my knee after the dislocations that I’ve had - it’s not uncommon, after a dislocation, for some of the bone to chip away entirely, and to be left floating in the knee joint, where it can cause some damage, so I got away with pretty minor injuries here :) Nothing for the surgeon to worry about

This is what a dislocation looks like! Basically, on the right hand side of the image, at the top of the bone you can see a tiiiiiiny little dip, and this is where the kneecap was meant to sit. Mine didn’t. A full dislocation is what’s pictured above - where the kneecap comes entirely out of this little groove, and sits to the side. While, day to day, mine wasn’t quite like this (he dislocated it purposefully to show me what was going on), it was never quite fully sat in the grove either. Technically, I was climbing V7 with a dislocated knee. Beat that, Sharma.

This is by far the most graphic image! I’m pretty sure you can figure out on your own what this is of. The thing that’s dangling out of my knee like something out of an Alien film is a tendon from my thigh, and was used as a replacement ligament to attach my kneecap properly to the rest of my leg, and put it back in it’s groove (Bloody hell, ‘back in it’s groove’.. It’s not Austin Powers)

Finally, THE FINISHED PRODUCT!

As you can see, as opposed to before, the kneecap is now sitting perfectly in the groove to the left of the image. Result :)

And if you’ve managed to read this entire post, and not throw up a little bit, congratulations - you’re almost as sick as me, the guy who asked to watch it all live!

Love you all, and take care of those joints!

Josh :)
x

The Knee (Without stitches, bitches (See, rhyming can be cool))

So, a couple of days ago I had my stitches out! My next physio appointment is Monday, and I can now do single leg raises (SLRs) fully without any help! Good times!

So I thought I’d update you all with lovely pictures of my beautiful knee :) Also, the hair on my knee is growing back now and it feels a bit like a beard - I liked having a shaved leg; it felt smooth and magical, like Voldemort’s head

(Pictured above - My knee)

So, I’ll warn you again, incase anyone doesn’t want to spoil their dinner, here are PHOTOS OF MY KNEE ;) Here you go! :)

These were the stitches in my knee. I’m not sure if they’re technically called stitches, since they’re made of metal? But hey, I don’t know what else they’d be called!

Staples, actually.. I think it’s staples..

Now this is my knee without the staples in, as you can see, my battlewounds seem to be healing nicely :)

I’ll keep you updated with how my physio is coming along, but for now I’m pretty optimistic!

Love you all,
Josh
x

My Bandages are Off!

So, it’s 2 days on from my surgery, and I’m on the Road to Recovery. For those who’ve never been on the Road to Recovery, it’s a little like the Yellow Brick Road in the sense that they’re both curvy and winding, both lead to a great place, and both (thanks to the codeine) are bright and colourful, surrounded by witches and munchkins.

A quick warning ;) The photos below are a little bit gross (but a little bit awesome), so don't look if you mind a little bit of blood :) Other than that, mmmm, look at that beautiful leg..

Bandages on…

Bandages half off…

And there we go!

One beautiful (if slightly un-beautiful (is that a word?)) knee :) I’ll keep you all updated throughout the recovery process!

Thanks for your support everyone, you’re all ace :)

Josh x

News!

Firstly, I'd like to make an apology. I haven't been updating this blog as regularly as I'd first hoped, but since discovering Tumblr, most of my musings have gone on there ;) Yet, I promise that (since this has a counter of the number of people who've read my blog and is therefore basically a massive ego massage for me) any proper proper surgery updates will still be featured right here, as well as the path to recovery!

This should mean that, in theory, there will be a lot more posts coming this way soon :)

Secondly, I thought I’d just let everyone know that my surgery went well, there were no complications, and I’m now relaxing in a hospital bed :) Also, I had toad in the hole for dinner ;) Bonus ;)

The most incredible part though was that, while I was expecting a general anesthetic, I actually got a spinal as well as some more local for the knee, so I got to watch the whole thing!

So, you have been warned ;) If you want to hear about the operation, just carry on reading, but if you’re a wimp, just be happy that I’m okay and send your love my way :)

Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin...

Hello, hardcore readers!

I know what you’re here for.. Juicy details of surgery, aren’t you? I know your game ;) Well, you’ve come to the right place :)

Basically, the surgery involved firstly putting a camera inside my knee joint, and the surgeon showed me that my kneecap is resting on the side of the groove of the knee, not actually in the groove itself, and he dislocated it to show me what it looked like from the inside, which was incredibly interesting!

From there, they made a small cut to access my thigh, before taking out a tendon, and using this as the replacement ligament for my knee. They drilled into my kneecap, and threaded it through, before drilling all the way through (yes ALL THE WAY THROUGH) my thigh bone. This was probably the most disgusting bit of the whole hour, as I watched the drill push its way out of my skin (I told you this bit was only for hardcore readers), and when this was done, the tendon was threaded through and everything firmly anchored down

The result - one stable kneecap :)

Surgery *insert sad face here*

I just had a chat with my future surgeon, Dr Gudjens :) And yes, by “future surgeon”, I do mean that my knee surgery is now definitely going to happen as soon as the next uni term has finished.. EEK!

I really don’t know how to feel about it.. Mainly because I still don’t know exactly what type of surgery I’m going to be getting ;) For definite, I’m going to be having some ligament reconstruction to tighten up the ligaments I’ve damaged, but also potentially I’m going to need some bone and another tendon moving too..

Forgive me, doctors and medical people, if I’ve got this wrong.. But here’s my best attempt at explaining what’s wrong ;)

The medial collateral ligament thingymabob is really stretched from the dislocations, so that needs to be tightened again to stop the thigh and shin bones moving apart and stuff :) But POTENTIALLY ALSO

The patellar tendon on my knee SHOULD go vertically downwards to the shin. Basically, look down at your knee when it’s straight, and you should see a little raised bit moving fron the kneecap to the shin. That’s the patellar tendon :) Mine is about 20 degrees-ish off straight, and that means that each time I move my knee, and that tendon pulls my kneecap down, it’s pulling it at an angle :) Even more basically - a dislocation waiting to happen ;)

So yeah, the first diagram is a definite, the second is a possibility depending on how my MRI looks, but the difference in recovery time between having it done or not is around 8 months plus a load more physio, which is a BIIIIIG difference.

In short, I’m scared. But hey, a lot of amazing people are going to be there for my while I go through it :) And while it means that I won’t be cranking out any of my V7 projects this summer.. Next summer, I should be stronger than ever, and hopefully this will never be a problem again :) As long as I’m climbing V1 by the end of the year, I’m happy :)

If I’m climbing V1 in TWO years, tell me to get training harder ;)

I love you all :)

Josh

x

Fingerboard Mounting! :D

So, as many of you will know, I recently took the plunge and invested £70 in a Beastmaker 2000..

The only problem is RENTED BLOODY ACCOMMODATION. Thus, I can’t fix the board directly to the walls, and if I did, I’d have to take it down again in 10 weeks anyway when I move out over summer :)

The solution?

A rather ingenious solution if I do say so myself (although not so ingenious when you realise it was taken directly from the beastmaker website). Attach it to a powerbar :)

All it took was a bit of plywood, a few screws, a drill, and about 2 hours of daylight :) The basic plan was to make something that hooks over the powerbar, can hang vertically, and won’t swing back and forth when you pull on it.. You’ll see the solution in a minute, calm down ;)

The sort of hook thing is the thing that holds all my weight, just made of a few pieces of the board screwed together, with enough of a gap for a snug fit on the bar :) Combine this with a few pieces of wood at the bottom, also screwed into place, and you have something that looks a liiiiitle (well, exactly) like this!

(P.S, that’s my dad’s hand and spirit level ;) Everyone say hello to Mark)

From here, since the bottom bar isn’t the load bearing one, you sort of (or your dad sort of, since he has the steadier hand and DIY experience) make two little plywood hooks to go over the bar to stop it swinging when you’re becoming a beast on the beastmaker :)

For those who want to see the finished product, look no further :) Well, actually, look a little bit further.. I’ve never really understood that phrase, of course you have to look further if you want to see it..

These are the hooks :) From there on, just mount your fingerboard! And trust me, it’s sturdy :) I weigh about 10 stone, but it’d easily be good for more :) All of the family took a hang off it, in turn obviously, not at once, and it didn’t even let out a murmur :)

Front view :)

A view of my dad holding the thing :)

And finally..

This is the final product, beastmaker mounted and all :) I had my first session on it yesterday, and I definitely need my weekend to rest now before Monday’s session :) If anyone wants any more advice about building something like this, just let me know :) It was cheap, when you’ve spent the initial money on the powerbar, and it took less than 2 hours to do (minus sanding down any rough edges)

My next BIIIIIG blog post will be Wednesday, when I’ve met my surgeon! EEK! Wish me luck everyone! :) And I love you all :)

Josh

xxxxxxx

Fingerboard ;)

Woo! Guess what I just did?

Bored of guessing, but fairly sure it’s something climbing related? Well done, you’re right :) I just did my first full set on my new Beastmaker 2000 (possibly the most gnarly training device ever created)

My fingers, forearms and biceps are hurting like hell, and my shoulders and back have had an amazing workout, and it feels good to be finally doing something similar to climbing again. So yeah, here’s my basic training plan for the next 8 or so weeks, when I’m going to totally re-assess it :) Today’s session - Repeaters.

For those of you who are new to fingerboard training, repeaters are similar to deadhangs insofar as you’re hanging from the board in a fixed position. They follow a 7 second hang, 3 second rest pattern, and are done in sets of 6 so that a full set lasts around a minute. After 2-3 minutes rest, pick a different set of holds and start all over again :) But unlike deadhangs, repeaters are done at a variety of different angles, the first and fourth hangs at around 140 degrees (just off vertical), the second and fifth at a 90 degree lock off, and the third and sixth at a full lock.

Below is the beastmaker :) The holds correspond to the numbers on the training table :)

Hopefully after a few sets of this, I’ll be an absolute beast ;) Let me know what you guys think, and if you need any help thinking of some sort of training plan, I’m not qualified.. But hey, how hard can it be?

Rock on, climbers :)

I love you all x

Physiotherapy!

Hello everyone, and welcome back to my ever so exciting knee trauma :)
I've got good news and bad news..

Good news - I'm going to see a specialist!
Bad news - I'm going to have knee surgery :(

Basically, the theory is that my ligament that connects the patella (kneecap, to you and me.. Well, to you.. I know what a patella is, thicko) has become soooo stretched after 4 knee dislocations that there's barely anything there any more! Wonderful :)

http://www.canmag.com/images/front/moviesetc/stretch.jpg

Basically, imagine that stretch armstrong is my knee. My patella (kneecap, Calum) is the man in the middle, and the ligaments are his ever growing limbs :) If you hit stretch armstrong now, he'd wobble like mad, or break.. Thus, if anyone touches my kneecap, I'll get very mad, and break

Also, the physio said I have the weakest knee he has ever seen! Which was bad news, but with a sweet sting in it's tail.. I mean, at least I don't own the SECOND weakest, I won with the ACTUAL weakest, and in a weird sort of way, that makes me smile :) It's like a man with the world's smallest penis.. It might not be a good thing, but there's probably some fetishist out there that would like to have a go on it. The SECOND smallest penis is just a tiny penis - not a good thing. Not that I hope there's a knee fetishist out there somewhere (although undoubtedly in the age of the internet, there's knee porn.. I just googled it, there is), but it's a weird sense of achievment that from being so broken, in less than a month's time I should hopefully be fixed :)

Speaking of google, I just googled dislocated patella, and in the way that any man instinctively reaches for his penis to form a protective layer when I say "KICK IN THE BALLS", those pictures make me feel physically sick.. Josh's Number 1 Tip of the Day - NEVER EVER google symptoms, or pictures of upcoming surgery.. You'll end up convincing yourself you have AIDS, or you'll freak out about the surgery so much that living life as the man with the weakest knee in the world sounds appealing. Brilliant. Which, by the way, I do.. Autograph, anyone? ;)

I'll let you know how it goes :) But for nowwww I'll sit in bed, drinking a cup of tea and thinking that actually life could be a lot worse.

Chuck Palahniuk once said said, "People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown." and in a sense this is true - if we lived in a perfect world, then life would be so boring! And I hope everyone agrees :) You should, I'm a philosophy student, I do this every day, biatch. Doing a useful degree is over-rated.

If everything in life went smoothly, we'd have nothing to work towards, and no goals :) So a minor set back is okay every now and then. Of course, this seems to be a major set back physically, but screw it, I'll get over this too, and then maybe instead of having the weakest knee (win) in the world, I'll have the strongest (win squared) :)

Lots of love,
Josh :)

Disco Knee

According to UKClimbing.com, Disco Leg is "Uncontrollable shaking of one or both legs on a climb, curable by pushing the heel of the leg downwards while the toe stays on the rock. Usually indicates imminent retreat, either voluntary or gravity-assisted".

Disco Knee is somewhat different. But here's my best attempt at a definition;

Disco Knee is the uncontrollable dislocation of one (left) kneecap on a climb, curable by rest and a few months in physiotherapy. Definitely indicates imminent retreat - gravity-assisted.

This blog is basically a sort of account of overcoming injury and getting back into sport, and also a way for me to show how extraordinarily witty I am (ish). Also, if you're a sadist, you might carry on reading this blog because you find injury amusing. Bastard.

Welcome everyone, and enjoy :)